My Life

That confusing feeling!


Being single for the past couple of years, I have never really associated acts of chivalry or affection as romantic interest. A good friend of mine has (for the past couple of months), been doing the most chivalrous acts anyone has ever done for me before.

Being friends, it was normal and inevitable that we would have our quarrels and misunderstandings. When moments like these arise, I am the type of person that keeps mum about it, finds time to myself, alone and away from the person and then just hibernate into a complete social hiatus. I have never been the type to do personal confrontation, shouting, bad mouthing or inducing physical injury like pounding or slapping.

When we first fought, it was because I felt he was not listening to me reassuring him of something.
I thought he needed some time to think about things so I decided to give him space. I did not answer any of his calls, messages or texts. It was a thursday then and I did not think that he would pick me up anymore the next day.
Fridays was what he considered as “our day”. Working in Makati, I have little to no spare time when I am back in Pampanga as I spend my weekends with my family. He was persistent in making himself available for what little time I had left to spare. That time was every Friday evening at around 10pm. Since Friday is the day that I head home to Pampanga from work.

That Friday, I did not expect him to be waiting for me. Throughout June to this day, he has made himself available every Friday, even if it was just to pick me up at the terminal to take me home. We spent little hours together, where he would tell me about how he spent his week. We were friends, we still are and we will always be. Since the day we met at the beginning of January 2012, I have always appreciated him as my friend. He has that refreshing aura about him that makes me laugh and smile.

It was not until that evening, where I saw him standing there at the terminal waiting for me, that I realized that this person had more than just friendship in mind. He was there since 7 in the evening, I had arrived some time past ten. I did not expect him to be waiting there but he was. This particular evening however, he did not walk me directly home. He wanted to talk about what we argued about. He held my hands in his, asking me to shout at him, to slap him, to get angry and yell at him because he claimed he deserved it. I could not do that, it was never my nature to do that to anyone. It was then that he hugged me so tight that I could feel him shaking. His heart was racing and he started panting. I had never seen him like this before. Here he was, one of my closest friends, acting so weirdly, so strangely that I could not pinpoint what was going on in his mind.

Then he kissed me.

That answered most of my questions about how he was acting. I never expected anything like that from him, or that our argument would make him do that so suddenly. I sat there frozen and confused for a few seconds, not sure about what had just happened. From a friendship where the closest physical contact we had was no more than sharing an umbrella and rare comforting hugs when he was down, to that brief moment, that night under the faint light of the moonlit sky where he kissed me suddenly.

This happened way back on the third of August. It still makes me blush and embarrassed thinking about it since it came so unexpectedly. I had no idea about what he was feeling towards me, or that these feelings were growing since the day we first met. I admit, I am daft! I hate to assume something in fear of being disappointed in the end. I was caught so off guard when he told me how he felt that I remembered just laughing jokingly about it the first time he mentioned being interested in me. I still remember the times he would get a little upset because I refused to believe his affection towards me. Apparently, that only made him want to prove himself more.

Since then he has made even more time for me. Picking me up in Makati, savouring the few hours or even minutes within the week to help me with errands or simply take me home at the end of the day. Surprising me with flowers, or hiding little notes in the things that he would give me, became a frequent practice for him.

He kept on finding new ways to make me smile. I was also pleased that he respected the fact that I did not want to rush things. That I wanted to be sure of how I would feel if things got serious and that I wanted to think it through.

Throughout our friendship I have shared my favourite things with him. It was but normal for two people getting to know each other, to share things about themselves, the likes, dislikes and other quirks and habits. The food I enjoy, the places I want to go, the things I want to try. Even just a hint of these details in passing would be etched in his mind. He remembered them, it showed in the things he would do or the little things he would give.

I felt that it was starting to get serious when he started cooking for me, as he would bring ingredients to our condo and cook meals for me and my condo mates. He would show up at the entrance of our building, waiting for me to leave from work. He would ask his aunt about my favourite food and attempt to cook them for me so I could bring packed lunch with me to work. Even if he had no idea how to prepare it.

Waking up in the morning became pleasantly different for me as well. It would be surprising to see him there in the kitchen, cooking breakfast, setting the dining table with food and greeting me with a hug when I entered the kitchen.

We never really argue about anything serious. When we do though, he has never let a day pass without apologising. Just last week after a small misunderstanding, he instinctively got on a bus and was on his way to Makati just to say sorry. I was surprised seeing him there at the condo with my mates when I arrived home. I knew that he would wait for me at the terminal in pampanga but I never expected him to come to Makati like that.

Now, not only does he surprise me with breakfast, but he does dinner as well. He would wash the dishes at the condo and clean up for everyone. He throws the trash, sweeps the floor and cleans the bedrooms at our place. My condo mates have grown to like him because of how much he helps around our little home. When I was sick, he picked me up from work and took me to the condo where he had made me dinner, bought me medicine and took care of me. Not to mention he bought me three slices of my favourite dessert, Sans Rival, just to make me feel better.

I never quite met anyone like him, nor did I expect him to do such things. Since we started out as friends I had no idea that he would turn out to be this way. Not many people like him exist in this world anymore and I must say that I appreciate him more and more each day. He is truly rare and someone that I have grown to treasure in my life.

Being extremely busy with work and other responsibilities, I had little time for leisure or socialising back in pampanga. But my busy schedule has never stood in his way. To this day, it surprises me how willing he is to adjust to my time.

I have little to give, nothing more than a listening ear or an attentive gaze. A smile to show how he has made me happy and to show my appreciation. These few things could never sum up to the numerous acts and gestures he has done for me and continues to do for me to this day.

I am blessed that our paths have crossed. It has been a beautiful friendship that has grown since January 11, 2012 🙂

So to you, whom this post is about, I would like to say thank you, for being so awesome!

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